I remember so vividly the first time I realised it was OK TO LOVE MYSELF! I was on my way back from a workshop in London, enjoying a proper cup of Yorkshire tea and the peace and quiet of the mid-morning train to Leeds.
I love travelling by train so I can sit and write in my journal. I was exploring some very strange feelings emanating from my chest. These feelings were so unfamiliar that I felt quite breathless. Yes, I’d had a wonderful weekend of personal growth shared with my beautiful best friend Gill, but I sensed there was more to it than that. I began to get curious about these unusual bodily sensations (a new thing for me back then). Warm bubbles rising up in my chest is the only way I can describe it to you now. I took some deep breaths and allowed myself to feel it welling up in me. It was like I was being filled up with joy and happiness.
“I think I love myself”, I said very quietly and timidly in my head (I definitely did not want anyone else to hear me)! And I dared to stay with that idea. Tears began to well up in my eyes and slowly fall down my cheeks and I began to feel gratitude and a feeling of expansion. It was beautiful.
Finally, all the inner work was paying off as I truly felt connected to myself, the real me underneath the layers of shit (excuse the language but there really is no other way to say it)! I was finding out who I was in there. I was daring to believe that I was OK – just as I was. A middle-aged, overweight woman who had learned to hate herself and spoke with a thick Yorkshire accent. Looking back now, I am certain this was a pivotal moment in my journey of healing, so it is no wonder that I want that for other people.
I love deep conversations about feelings, the universe and the meaning of life. I help people peel back the layers of protection and find out who they are underneath all that shit. I help people learn that they are not their body, their name or their job. I help people learn to love who they are, and I wait for them to start describing this strange warm feeling arising in their chest. And it is magnificent. That is why I do what I do.